Harvey Fierstein aka my greatest competition.

So for those of you who don't know, I have had an ongoing feud with Harvey Fierstein. He doesn't know it, but he has gotten every part i could ever play, and why you might ask...No it's not because I am a bear. Okay it might be because i am a bear. In all actuality it is
probably because i am a bear, but either way, I think it is because he's been talking shit about me. I don't know this for a fact, but I remember when i went in for my Fiddler on the Roof audition, Harvey had just left with an undeserved smile and I went in to sing my 16 bars, and I heard the casting agent snicker and say something like "I had heard there was a bear auditioning"...

Ever since, I know Harvey has been blackballing me. We were both up for Edna Turnblad, and i would have looked fierce in drag. Like "Tyra Banks" fierce, not like "eat your children" fierce.





And now for what my mother calls "my latest failure on the track to law school," I was going to be on Broadway. I was going to be in La Cage Aux Folles as the new Albin. I was prepping myself, going over all my old character analysis forms. I was going to be a star.......BUT, then guess who decides he wants to do it. Not Liza Minnelli! Harvey F-ing Fierstein. Bane of my existance. You win this time, but when i go out for the next Mother Superior in Sister Act, you need to stay away. There's only room for one big white bear on Broadway and it's going to be me!

~Broadway Bear

Book Of Mormon, or Not Enough Bears

So, Very few people know this but I auditioned for Book of Mormon the Music, in its early development stages. I worked on my audition for FOREVER with my vocal coach. I dressed comfortably, yet professionally. I did everything I could do. Still, i got nothing. Oh a good day, i can belt an A.

So I went to see this "Book of Mormon" and guess what...No Bears Anywhere! No Brown Bears, Black Bears, Spotted Bears or even Panda Bears(adorable bane of my existence.) Ummmmm I don't mean to toot my own snout or anything, BUT we are a very talented species. We are great jugglers, amazing balerinas, and we pretty much PWN in the voiceover circut. How come there are no bears on Broadway? Please tell my why!

That is why I AM going to be the first bear on Broadway. I will break barriers. I will make a difference. Even if I have to be in Mama Mia to do it.

~Broadway Bear